I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
