this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
