oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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