we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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