to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
