when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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