i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize