My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
