I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
