Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
