So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
