woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
