he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
