i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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