last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
