i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
