there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
