we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
