and i looked up. we had an audience...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
