and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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