If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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