tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
