and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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