i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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