Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
