Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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