It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
