There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You need a sexual gate keeper
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
