We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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