They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
