Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
