the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
