I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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