Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have feelings that need drinking.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
