even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
