I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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