swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize