Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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