Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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