D3 body, D1 cock
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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