im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize