If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That's how pantless uber rides happen
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
