I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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