Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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