Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This is my life. Enjoy the view
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
