I'm going to jail i love you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
