another moral hangover. fuck.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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