My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
