I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
