There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
