You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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