You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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