All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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