someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize