i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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