I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
