I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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