u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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