His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
