she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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