I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
