After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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