I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Let's get the cat blown out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
