Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
