i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
