called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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