how can u be prego again
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
