How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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