she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
