It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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