Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
