remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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