Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
