I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize